A genuine request to parents


I recently came across a very disheartening incident during a wedding alliance process of one of our readers.  In general, the marriage process itself is a very stressful process for all – boy, girl, parents etc. On top of that rejecting a boy or a girl is a tough situation. From time immortal, we are used to telling various reasons for rejecting – “horoscopes didn’t match”, “boy/girl wants to wait for 2 more years” etc…so many reasons that we know that there is a mismatch somewhere and we move on.

In this case, the parent introduced themselves as great Mahaperiyava devotees and Periyava is everything to them etc. In the process, boy met the girl, they liked each other and suddenly the boy’s parent said to girl’s parents that there is a mismatch on living style/status, wealth etc. Didn’t they know about this before they proceeded? I don’t know about how the boy took the whole thing but this young lady is so hurt. It pains me. I know she is a great person – staunch devotee of Periyava.

Come on! Is this what Periyava taught us all? All His life Periyava has been telling us to look into the family values, culture, bride/groom’s compatibility – their character, devotion etc. How come we completely ignore all these? How are these people “devotees” of Periyava? How Periyava is everything to them?! I don’t get it.

Choosing the life partner is a very important process and one has every right to reject a person. All those filtering of social status, wealth etc should happen before even you proceed – not after boy and girl meets and likes each other…We have seen/read so many incidents where millionaires became beggars due to one’s karma. We have also seen Periyava’s blessings alone have made ordinary people so rich and wealthy.

I dont know if those concerned parties read this post. If so, my only request to them is “don’t do this mistake one more time”.

Periyava once said that “if you get dowry, don’t put my name in the invitation”. I guess it needs to be extended to this situation as well…We all are educated and the very reason we are here in this temple is that we are devotees of Periyava. Please take extra caution in dealing in such sensitive matters and make a resolution that nobody’s feelings are going to be hurt in this process. This is the least thing we can do as a devotee. If you can’t do this, stop calling yourselves as Periyava devotee as it would be a great insult to Him.

I am not writing this to create a sympathy wave for her. I am so confident that Periyava will find a wonderful, handsome groom for her. I only want all the parents to behave responsibly. As it comes in Spiderman movie “great power comes with great responsibility”. The moment you call yourself a Periyava devotee, it comes with a great responsibility to live up to that expectation.

Along this same topic, I have been thinking for quite some time to kick-start a way to leverage our user base for exchanging of horoscopes etc and make this process little easier. I intend to implement this soon by partnering with few volunteers who are doing service with HH Balaperiyava…This is only a heads-up…

During this trip, I had a great opportunity spend lot of time with HH Balaperiyava and listened to all His plans for the next generation, protecting our culture, values etc. I will share them all with you soon.

Categories: Devotee Experiences

50 replies

  1. If one claims to be Mahaperiava Bhakta should avoid going to the marriage who does not follow his principles at least in Dowry ,except to bless the couple at the time of Muhurtham ,but avoiding taking food .This will give the message to the Groom & his parents on the wrong thing they do .The boys & their greedy parents are to be focal points to be educated on this ,since both of them are corrupt by practice
    At TN this practice has down drastically ,particularly in Brahmin cummunity ,but yet widespread in other Hindu community & in other religions The RSS ,Hundu munnani Kazhagam have greater role to play in this matter .

    • I am sharing my observations on Shri S. Baskaran’s comments, relating to caste-based “dowry” practices. Let me say that in Bharath, in every caste, in every religious faith, in every State, DOWRY IS A PROBLEM. No pontiff or cleric or preacher, however simple or effective or disciplined HE is in his own life, can make any impact on this pernicious problem, which has been in existence. Kindly read the wonderful AUTOBIOGRAPHY by the famous Tamil Scholar, late Shri U. Ve, Swaminatha Ayyar, who has mentioned that several decades ago, the practice in vogue was for the bridegroom’s parents to give the dowry to the bride in order to get their son married. I am not advocating that practice either. Let us accept the simple fact that dowry giving/demanding is the PRACTICE IS UNIVERSALLY FOLLOWED in Bharath. May be, in a very, very, very marriages, dowry taking or offering were avoided. I know a few such families, who shunned this terrible practice. As corruption is difficult to remove from the Indian soil, so is DOWRY. I wish GOOD LUCK to every Periava Devotee to do his/her bit to eliminate this practice.



        I am sorry for these mistakes.

      • You are absolutely correct sir.
        Dowry is still a big menace in our society, irrespective of caste and religion.
        Of Course nowadays it is demanded and got in kind, though not in cash, as in the earlier days.
        Maha Periayavaa had advocated simple marriage ceremony only for to stop such evil practices.
        He has specifically said that even if you can afford perform the marriage in a simple manner.

  2. I am fully in agreement with Mr. B Murthy (his comments dated 12th April 2015);let us allow this blog to entirely restrict itself to the periyava preachings only and following what has been told. Let us not get into “Laukikam” issues.

    • This is not loukeekam. This is the fundamental of Periyava’s teaching. I am surprised you missed the whole point. >

      • You are absolutely correct Mahesh.
        If we do not reform our Loukeeka-Karyam, how are we going to progress in then spiritual path.
        Unless and until we cleanse our society of this ‘ego/money’ filth there can never be any progress on the spiritual path.

  3. Mahesh,, We observe that the comments are not appearaing sequentially.
    Could you check and do something ?

  4. Adding to the above comment of mind, I observe that in most of the posts the ‘girls’ are blamed for the problems, which I must disagree.How many boys come dressed in traditional clothes when they go to the temple ? Why bame girls alone ? Thanks to Lakshmi Perundevi for highlighting this issue.

    About 20 years ago the women were dependant on the men-folk for all their needs.
    And we all know how most of the middle-class brahmin families treated their women-folk in those days.

    Now a days, thanks to the education and employment, women are independent, atleast financially.
    This explains the sudden spurt in the ‘women-lib’ activities in our place (whether we like it or not).
    But all said and done the men-folk need to accept that fact that women are equal-partners (in real sense) and act accordingly.

    But one point is that if we, as Bhakatha’s of Maha Periayavaa, lead a spiritual-centric life, as advocated by Maha Periayavaa, then the children will definitely imbibe those values even though they may not accept all the ritual-ridden formalities of our religion.
    So the parents have more responsibility in educating their children on the values and traditions.
    For that the parents should start living a ‘Periavaa-Centric’ life of devotion, humility and universal love.

    The present generation does NOT accept anything that is told, unless they are convinced of it.
    But once told convincingly they put it to practice without any hesitation.

    • Hats off Sir for this comment – at a time when men are really, for some reason, loathing women independence, you are really a gem.. It is true that women today are more outspoken and tell what they feel/want more freely than their last generation counterparts. Sometimes it is taken in the right sense, thanks to men like you. Many times, there is so much hate towards such behavior. Everyone must understand that what goes around comes around. 100-200 years back, women were oppressed, kept within 4 walls. Now they are enjoying their newfound independence and many men can’t seem to handle it – which is funny. Like i said, the wheel of time gives everyone a chance and now it is women’s turn to be out there and outdo men. Not sure what is so wrong with this. Even very educated men can’t seem to handle this truth!

      • Dear Sister Shobana, at the outset let me congratulate your Bharathian thought of women freedom from my bottom of the heart ( I am one among to support women education, free moving with friends, etc.) Let me also tell you that I did not receive a penny as dowry from my in-laws so many years ago when I married (in fact, I married a handicapped girl). I have two daughters and they were allowed to study freely with respect to their interest in subject. without any parental influence.. Pl. kindly bear with me for this short brief, before expressing my comment.

        I still don’t understand what women freedom actually means.

        – Is it something like walking in the midnight in a impolite dress which provoke rogues and rowdy people to misbehave?

        – Is it something like smoking in the mid of the streets or drinking in the pub along with boy-friends? (I have witnessed such scenes in Bangalore and Hyderabad, don’t know about other cities, but strongly condemn both genders).

        – Is it something like any comment made on women for the sake of their benefit which is simply argued and opposed without understanding the essence of it?

        – Is it something like use their gender opportunism to sideline their men colleagues?

        I admire that lot of women in this country still not in the above category, but a drop venom is enough to spoil the entire container milk. I admit and strongly condemn of any arrogance and atrocity against women not only in India but in rest of World. I don’t see women were treated so atrociously in every part of this country in a larger way. I do agree that such incidents are happening somewhere some time. Don’t you read in news that some women made allegations on men which proved false later in court and they were punished? Those women who fight for women freedom today, have they ever condemned these incidents? One time they say, they are no less to men and equality should given (I personally welcome this). Other time they claim themselves as weaker sex. Which is correct, women are equal to men are weaker? You know very much about quota system in this country. Quota system is practiced to up-bring lower community in the society, right? When women are equal to men, shall we remove women quota system? Kindly somebody enlighten me about this.

        To me, WOMEN ARE MUCH MORE STRONGER than poor men, May be, physical strength of men lasts for few days, but ultimately it is mental strength which is needed to move the life until natural death. I know and experienced a lot cases where husband died ealier and women continued their life so many years for the sake of their children (hats-off to those Matru Devatas), but those who’s wife died earlier, are struggling to continue their life without the support of wife. A woman can lead the life without man, but man cannot lead the life without woman, is the bottom line. Men need support of women as mother, sister, wife, daughter, friend, etc. Man cannot imagine a life without women as long as he is in Samsaara Dharma. Let’s not talk about Sanyasa Dharma (even Rushis’ needed Patnis), I think you will agree with me in this, don’t you?

        This is the country where Women were and are treated in due respect. So many ethical and historical evidences are still available which you also probably know. Yes, few might not. Are we going to punish such rogues (in legal way) and continue our traditional and ‘dharmic’ journey or walk down in the street and shout for women freedom which has no meaning? Freedom fight is meaningful when it is ceased. It did not happen in this country till date and will not too. We Indians are traditional, dharmic and respect opposite sex so many thousand of years ago, before other religions and countries even realized about this.

        India is a vast country (1.28 billion people where women are 624 million as of March 28, 2015 according to: http://www.indiaonlinepages.com/population/india-current-population.html ) and atrocity against women are in hundreds. Does not mean to ignore these figures, but should not be considered as alarming!

        Sister Shobana, if you are one among those who need freedom for their personal entertainment sake, I am sorry, I pity on you. If your have any other thought on this please kindly let me know through this blog so as to others also will have a chance enlighten themselves.

        Finally, kindly forgive me, in any way or manner my comments hurt you or any other women in this world.

        Sarvam Krushnaarpanam!

  5. True Mahesh garu. This is very commonly and widely happening at our next door.

    Tell me, just discussion sake, what if really horoscopes don’t match and boy should still marry the same girl?

    • I also have same question. Can someone please enlighten me regarding Periyava’s teaching?

      Also one thing to consider is the young mans feelings and opinion. it seems boy and girl liked each other, so his parents decision may have affected him too. only thing good is this happened before the wedding not after! We always say that youth to respect decision of elders but are elders always right?

    • Sir
      Mahaperiavaa once said that horoscope matching were necessary when the bride and groom were married at a very young age, in earlier days.
      But nowadays the marriage happens only in the late-twenties and thirties.

      HE has advocated ‘Manaporutham’ for bride and groom more than ‘Jataka Porutham’.
      In many of His advises to us, HE advocated all to verify only the the kulam, gothram and family background and proceed with the marriage.
      Most important point is that HE wanted every one to follow the scriptures and perform the marriage in a simple manner, without leaving out any Vaideeka Karma.
      But thanks to the money-mindedness of us all, we have completely forgotten HIS call on simplicity and caught up with the show-business-style of marriage.
      In such a situation, ultimately, the boy and girl suffer in their married life.
      As said by many in this blog, real heart-change is needed from the parents of boy and girl.
      Maha Periavaa should shower HIS infinite Grace on us for that.

  6. if you get dowry, don’t put my name in the invitation

    This line says it all! Gurubhyo namaha!

  7. Well after a lot of thought and reluctance we have put inn Chennai saisannnkara with all details

  8. Well said. I did undergo this same pain when I was looking for a groom for my sister. This not only hurts the girl but also creates waves within the family. Maha Periyava Saranam.

  9. Dear Hema like stunami you have blasted the wrong doers hiding themselves under the garb of real well intentionIng great minded people.you had the courage to publicly declare your dislike and also point out such mistakes should not be done which great people have actually disuaded.yes as you said they cld have thought well before proceeding. I feel very sorry that women are the cause for their down fall. But I wonder what the menfolk did namely the husband and son.if they were honest enough they cld have given the correct reason or accept the fate in the name of god and proceeded. You have rightly pointed out how millionaires come to street overnight and also god willing the girl might get a more suitable husband. Again as a woman the boy’s mother SLD have realised the pain she has caused not only to the girl but her fly too..when the women make choice on their own they are called names but such innocent girls learn goodness is no more good in this vile world. Hope this is read by the concerned person.when someone makes, there are ever so many to mar. I feel so happy that you rose against the absurd behaviour on behalf of the affected persons.god’s blessings be with you forever.

    • I agree with you that both sides need to be listened too. In fact the approach, the way it is conveyed are important.some times a better alliance or some other matter that is too common today and comes to light as late as misc hay and had than day may also be a matter. But whatever it be things SLD have conveyed with more discretion for girls parents know how traumatic it is to arrange for a wedding. In this case both have given their consent after at least talking to each other.one thing that makes me wonder why the mother alone taking the lead and the blame as well.

  10. Mr. Mahesh

    “The moment you call yourself a Periyava devotee, it comes with a great responsibility to live up to that expectation”

    Great words for self introspection. I don’t know when I will be eligible to call myself as “Sri Periyava devotee”. Praying Sri Periyava to attain that.

    Sri Periyava Saranam

  11. millionaires became beggars due to one’s karma. We have also seen Periyava’s blessings alone have made ordinary people so rich and wealthy. This is 100% correct. If a Scooter thinks becasue of doing like eats {petrol}, running, making noice, releasing unwanted things {smoke} outside like shit, turning here & there), is it correct?. Similarly, our body is driven by him. Please do not think, you yourself is doing. You are Athma and not body. Since, we are given brains, it is connected to “KARMAS”. Please understand & Love everyone, without any expectation. God bless you everyone.

  12. Kannal parpathum kadthaal ketpathum poi theera visaripathe unmai – I don’t know how much one has gone in depth in this issue? I don’t know did you speak to both parties before writing this mail? I am somehow not feeling comfortable in reading this mail for the simple reason that the mail is taken for granted that one party is arrogant & the other one humble – hope it is not an assumption / presumption. Such a big forum certainly needs issues to be published after lot of thinking & wisdom. Hope it is taken care.

    • Ganapthy,

      Take the key message “be responsible while dealing with sensitive issues” EVEN if the girl’s parents lied to me.

      Besides this is a request to both boy and girl’s parents…I am not here to say who is right and who is wrong…

      Take the key message. Please don’t try to dilute the message..

      Sent from my iPhone


      • Most of the present-day girls/ young women want nothing less than full freedom in all the things that they do. They always keep arguing, citing that when men can, why can’t we?

        It is disgusting to know that some prospective brides term the prospective groom’s parents as “Rahu” & “Ketu”! (Don’t these bunch of cheap girls have smallest of small brains to know that her prospective sister-in-law would also be terming her parents that way, when they look out for girl for her brother?!)

        Also frustrating to note is that either the girls want to live only with the guy and not with his parents (or) they want the guys to take care of the home, while they want to spend the day working (doing “whatever” they want, given the full independence status!). It’s just too stupid, yet funny to find that there are girls who would steep to any useless selfish extent!

        Reversing roles; treating in-laws like strangers; being traditional and nice in the morning and behaving cheaply by drinking and partying in the night (dual self); not wearing what one is supposed to for the benefit of the husband (thali, metti, kumkumam, etc citing that all that is just irrelevant!), letting the hair loose always; and many more such issues boils down to the fact that western influence and social media like facebook that has just spoiled the entire Bharata Mata.

        Parents are definitely responsible in bringing up their children. But, when they themselves dress and also behave cheaply, what else would one expect from their children?!.

        It is disheartening to see girls (and her mother too!!!) come in jeans/shorts and short/tight tops to temples and Matams to see the Acharyas! My heart was boiling when I saw a girl who was dressed up shabbily wearing tops and tights who had come with her mother to see the Acharyas in RA Puram Camp. Another girl with her husband & kid who had come to see the Periyavas in the same camp — the girl wearing no kumkumam, thali, metti ! Huh.!).

        Many of these girls fail to realize that their future generation would suffer for sure, if they don’t put an end to their cheap and selfish behavior.

      • Mahesh I agree with your sentiment but posts like the one below convinces me it will not be taken in proper context by everyone. caution…

      • Ganapathy sir:
        The key message here is: as the author of the post points out – “All those filtering of social status, wealth etc should happen before even you proceed – not after boy and girl meets and likes each other..” – that is all..

  13. Congrats Mahesh for taking up such Social causes.
    Even if it brings a heart-change in one percent of us, then it would have served the cause.

    Maha Periavaa advocated ‘Manaporutham’ for bride and groom more than horoscope match.
    HE had specifically advocated to check only the the kulam, gothram and family background and proceed with the marriage.
    Unfortunately most of us (especially brahmins) simply ignore HIS command and continue to believe more in the ‘stars’ than ‘GOD’.
    The parents of the boys and girls only are to be blamed for this sorry state of affair.

    My Maha Periavaa continue to Guide us to overcome these social obstacles.

    • Sir the manaporutham comes only when the boy sees the girl and they talk….i don’t mean the so called lustful love ending in divorce but parents coming forward advising the boys. If the boy doesn’t hear to some sane advice well they have to blame themselves. Even today when a parent phoned stating that his boy wants the girl to be employed the question this girl posed is simple 1. This boy is highly qualified in good job talks about women lib but dictate the girl to go to job and 2 when periava has done all marriages in our family I believe He has some body and some thing in His mind so why worry particularly when you have personally told Him.

  14. ” மா குரு தன ஜன யௌவன கர்வம்
    ஹரதி நிமேஷா கால சர்வம் ” – ஆதி சங்கரரின் பஜகோவிந்தம்

    காலமானது, பெரிய மனிதர் , பணக்காரர் , இளைஞர் முதலான கர்வத்தை அழித்துவிடும்.

    மகாஸ்வாமியின் முன், திருவிடைமருதூர் நில சுவான்தார் ஒருவர் ஏழை வேத பிராமணரை (தேப்பெருமாநல்லூர்) அவமதித்த கதை நாம் எல்லோரும் ஸ்ரீ மகேஷ் ப்ளாக் , மற்றும் ஆனந்தவிகடன் படித்து இருப்போம்.

  15. Yes Mr. Mahesh. Periyava wont like hurting not only other humanbeings he wont like hurting even dog, cat etc. The people who are speaking about their status, education etc.. are really worse than ……..(I dont want to mention). Periyava make them to reliase this to them. You know why ? Because he has not gone anywhere.

  16. Dear Mr. Mahesh: Greetings. You have been admirably rendering excellent service to the Society and the new one that you propose is a good one especially when commercial wedding alliance centres exploit the needy. I have a suggestion which if you think fit may incorporate in your new proposal, requesting all parents to come out openly about everything concerning the alliance in question including health status, siblings etc., to avoid frictions on this score after marriage.

  17. If we are true devotees of our mahaperiyava we should not forget that HE is always watching us and we are answerable to HIM even for our thoughts because thoughts get converted into words and action. I firmly believe that we should constantly remember Bagavatpadal’s words that wealth, beauty, status etc are ephemeral and only the deeds we perform accompany us at the end of this life.

  18. Let us put a positive spin to this whole thing. We have read so many incidents here in this forum where Periva stopped lot of misfortunes from happening. If Periyavaa had willed this to happen, no parents would have been able to stop it.
    While we are discussing this, Let us not too harshly judge the boys’ parents. When we say status, we always assume that boy side is wealthier. It could have been the other way too. We should also accept that when the upbringing and life styles don’t match, it is very hard to make the marriage work. It is also possible that as the families got to know each other well, they figured out that they don’t match at any level. It might not anything to do with the girls’ family or the girl, it could just be that this union might not work.
    Let us give them the benefit of doubt.
    Having said that, yes, we should all think through well in these situations and avoid these kind of things.

    I wish the girl and the boy very best in life!!
    Yes, this too will pass and No, I don’t know the boy or the girl.

  19. True! Another things is although they claim to be Periyava’s devotees, they do not like anything less from the ‘bride’s home’, despite the fact that the bride is educated! This is true to this day….”Only that day dawns to which we are awake!”

  20. Great, it is true one shouldn’t play with other’s feelings and sentiments. Useful and worthy and need of the hour advice for both girls and boys. We had an occasion that after matching horoscopes, after confirming with the girl’s father, we went with our daughter, son in law, grand son both myself wife and my son for whom we are seeking alliance, went previous day itself, stayed by taking 2 rooms in service apartment. The girl ‘s father, who was keeping quiet all the time, in the morning at 8 o clock suddenly informed that his aged mother in law was sick and told to postpone the girl seeing also for the reason that it was Tamil Margazhi. Our entire family got upset. You can imagine how much turmoil we would have undergone. We politely said it is ok, went to Karpagambal Kapaleeswara temple had a silent prayer and returned our home after traveling 340 km. after reaching I sent sms regretting for the old lady’s sickness, and praying for her speedy recovery . I am yet to get a reply from girl ‘s father, who is a responsible Bank Manager. The whole vacation of my daughter with us was felt very heavy and heart felt. How much happy mood we had while going to chennai was thrashed out while returning as if feeling empty handed.
    So your advice is applicable to all. Everybody should place themselves in other ‘s position and act accordingly. Emergency is excepted always. But the girls father in all probable way avoided us even to see the age old and sick mother in law as courtesy call. This I have not even shared with my siblings. Just I saw the email and I wanted to share with you. Sorry if I had done anything unworthy. Svs

  21. I know Radhika very well..Point is even we go through whatever sources we have, at the end of the day, the parents have to be lot more responsible while dealing with such sensitive matters.

  22. Well said .

  23. Really very sorry to know this. As somebody suggested Mrs. Radhika Chanramouli is doing this wonderful service under the guidance of BalaPeriyava in Thiruvanmiyur Chennai. If you need i will provide the contact no. too Mahesh.

  24. Long story but I am sorry every one takes pleasure or pride in calling periava bhakta but it’s not so which I now realise after seeing groom for my ggrand daughter now just 23 it’s a year the varanvettai goes on. She is professionally qualified as company secy but not interested in job as she wants to make a home and not house. Oh the torture from boys saying job must and after seeing everything giving this reason or when said independant consultant asking income etc. Silly boys worst parents because periava didn’t want to c he went to sookahma. Girl ardent firmest believer and hence not worried.

  25. Mahesh

    this is the link to the website http://brahmanasabha.org/

  26. very boldly and rightly said –no dowry please

  27. True words.👍

  28. Jaya Jaya Sankara Hara Hara Sankara

    Sri Mahesh.

    Agreed and well said…will spread this message..

  29. Mahesh

    There is a group started under the guidance of HH Bala Perivaa called Pancha Dravida Brahmana Sabha. Radhika Chandramouli is spearheading this. You can reach out to her

  30. Excellent

      • Absolutely very true Mr.Mahesh.As you have rightly pointed out,every one of us,as parents will have to demonstrate some humanity and all the more a necessity to be kind,polite and courteous to all as we all call ourselves as Periyava devotees and followers.
        Well done and best wishes for your future endeavour.
        Hara Hara Shankara.Jaya Jaya Shankara

    • Dear Mr Mahesh, saw your posting and it really pained to see the whole episode. I hope periyava will change the parents mind and they themselves regret and come back and ends everything well. By the way, please do not get into the horoscope matching and alliance issues. Let us admit frankly, people are not that much honest. If they do not like a girl or boy or the status they simply say, horoscopes does not match also there are several so called astrologers for the sake of money can twist any prediction. Hence let in my humble view, let us restrict to the periyava preachings and following what has been told. Let us not get into “Laukikam” issues where it is purely commerce, now a days.


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